When the 18th-century Swiss philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote of the “noble savage” – a type of man in total communion with primordial nature – he may not have had Monty Don in mind. But with his curled locks, rolled-up sleeves and perpetually muddy fingernails, the– which returns this week, just as magnolias burst into bloom across Britain – since 2003, when he picked up the trowel from. Where Titchmarsh was an almost mole-like presence in the garden, Don was pure Toad of Toad Hall.
Don’s CV also serves as an explainer of his carefully calibrated appeal. He studied English at Magdalene College, Cambridge, giving him the ability to describe flowers like an opium-riddled Romantic poet, but he also boxed for the university – half artist, half pugilist. Don’s approach to the garden is equally hands on. On his estate Don is as likely to be found dredging the pond or turning the earth with an old fork as he is eulogising his topiary after another blitz of box blight.
They say that every generation thinks that it invented sex. Perhaps the same is true of Monty Don. Each cohort – from his peers to Gen Zers joining his 1.2m following on Instagram – sees something new in Don. Masculinity, which is perpetually described as “in crisis”, comes easily to him. He looks like he could fix your car. He seems like he would brew a perfect – strong yet unburnt – pot of Assam tea.
I grew up in a household where gardening programmes provided a rare opportunity for family television viewing, and Don became an esteemed figure in my perception of male sexiness. His appeal is not difficult to explain. He is like your husband, but better. He is like your husband if he committed to actually cleaning out the gutters, rather than just talking about it. He is like your husband if he walked the Labrador, rather than just snoozing together on the couch.
The garden is about change. Snowdrops give way to wisteria, delphiniums to chrysanthemums. The desiccated trees gain and lose their leaves, the tadpoles and caterpillars glow up and become frogs and butterflies. And, in the midst of all this seasonal turbulence, the unsteadiness of the garden world, Monty Don is the hardiest of all perennials.
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