Women who choose not to be parents are often stigmatised as selfish or unfulfilled. Now, writer and academic Dr Amy Blackstone is determined to change the narrative. Aged 11, I enrolled myself on a babysitter certification course and spent weekends taking care of the kids in my neighbourhood. In high school, I became the head caretaker in my church’s nursery. And in college and then graduate school, I enjoyed stints as a nanny during summer breaks.
A fiercely independent person, I knew myself well enough to know that I needed downtime from work, quiet time for reflection, the chance to not be needed for periods of the day. And I love having the time and energy to devote to my marriage, to decide on the spur of the moment to meet for drinks after work, to take a drive out to the coast, or to chill out without obligations.
In fact, our reasons for not wanting to be parents – joy, fulfilment, the desire to nurture relationships, a concern for the future – look very much the same as others’ reasons for opting in to parenthood. Non-parents don’t lack interest in caring for others. We form families just like everybody else, providing a place of refuge and a home for each other. And, like other families, Lance and I have considered what legacy we hope to leave after we’re gone.
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