Years of focusing on her education and career has left her “completely inexperienced” in all things dating.
How can I find my way in the dating world as a first-generation immigrant woman when I’m not sure what the cause of my troubles are? I was mostly brought up in this country, and my parents are fairly liberal, but they come from very conservative families. As a consequence, dating wasn’t allowed while I was in high schoolto the point that I internalized the message of education above all else.
Now, I find myself completely inexperienced at the more physical aspects of dating and moving forward with relationships because I don’t know what I’m looking for. I can’t tell if it’s because I’ve so thoroughly internalized those early messages, or if it’s part of my sexual identity in the form of asexuality or demisexuality.
I’m also trying to not tell my parents everything, because they don’t quite seem to understand how dating really works. Their expectations and mine aren’t really aligned, both now and for a longer term future. They wouldn’t pressure me, but this experience feels a little lonely compared to the experiences of other South Asian friends and non-South Asian friends.While you may feel lonely, you’re definitely not alone.
Like me and many others, you were encouraged to focus on other priorities so now you are trying to make space for dating but it’s overwhelming and scary. The only way to move through this is to remind yourself that it feels awkward and bad because it’s new and unfamiliar. Of course you’re lost. If you weren’t given space or encouragement to explore love, self-worth, and compatibility growing up, then it makes sense that you have no idea how to navigate this as an adult.
You can start to combat the shame of feeling isolated and embarrassed about this by talking about it. And a professional is a good place to start. They can help you build confidence, explore your interests, and help you process the relationships you get in. I’d also urge you to findI would also encourage you to ask your parents for a pause on talking about dating right now.
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