It’s fitting that IKEA stores are organised in a series of winding circles with no easy escape. It’s not unlike the circles of hell that the protagonist of Dante’sBut unlike the soul in Dante’s epic poem, you never get to Heaven. What awaits you once you’ve managed to locate and then purchase your Tuffing and Malfors is yet another circle of hell. This one is in your own home and the instrument of torture is an Allen key.
To look at, you’d imagine it would take 45 minutes to assemble a Tuffing. An hour tops, if you stopped for a tea break.But no, Tuffing – which is surely Swedish for “cruel and unusual punishment” – takes five hours to assemble. And a couple of days to recover from the physical and emotional trauma. And an opportunity to test the strength of your marriage.But the worst part is that I knew this already. My husband and I have been here before.
My husband developed what he refers to as 'IKEA stigmata' because there were so many screws he developed blisters on the palms of his hands. As you kiss their sweet little faces goodnight, you are dumbstruck by the look in their eyes. Thanks to IKEA, it’s the first time in their young lives that they’ve realised mum and dad are a bit crap.
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