I’ve been visiting Italy since the ’80s. Here are 12 lessons I’ve learned

What’s a shakerato? How is it different from a caffe zuccherato? Why should you visit Ascoli Piceno, Martina Franca and Orvieto instead of Venice, Rome and Florence? Are baby gangs a thing?

Go to the nearest bar. Every bar has a toilet, it’s a legal requirement. You need to buy something but an espresso, a bottle of water or a packet of chips will set you back about €1-€1.50 . Cheap relief.is what the angels eat. It’s pasta with a sauce of clams, mussels, prawns and calamari cooked together in a foil packet. Slice open the foil and out comes a draught of steamy wonderment, a soul-stealing fusion of garlic, wine, tomatoes and seafood.

From about 5 o’clock there’s a sea change. The cafes start to fill up with 20-somethings drinking aperitivi, the gelaterias are suddenly busy and kids emerge to kick footballs around in the piazzas. It’s also the beginning of theGet used to drinking Aperol spritz. It’s delicious, it’s Italy’s favourite aperitivo and it will improve your outlook on life if you’ve spent most of the day being a diligent tourist.

There’s a great little bar and restaurant at the back of the terrace knocking out salads, panini, coffees and cocktails with chilled music to go with the seagull sounds. It’s supremely relaxing, but it’s not what I see at our beaches. There are no panting papas hauling carts loaded with cricket gear, eskies, umbrellas and beach balls across the sand, no yurt-like tent encampments, no long trudges to wait 30 minutes for a burger which you will eat with windblown sand.

Let me count the ways. First off, noise. There’s no pounding doof-doof music that makes conversation impossible. There are dogs and kids in the restaurant even if it’s 10pm and they’re well behaved. Is this not a better way to dine?From the Middle Ages onwards, Catholic churches became storehouses of wealth, assembling fabulous collections of gold, jewels and great art. If you want to see masterworks, from Byzantine mosaics to frescoes from the Middle Ages to paintings by Giotto, Perugino, Caravaggio and sculptures by Bernini, the church is the place, and mostly you can see them for nothing.

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