‘I haven’t had sex in 3,089 days’: comedian Sofie Hagen on being celibate for more than eight years

first had sex when I was 16; I have since had quite a few people inside my body. Some were more welcome than others – like the surgeon who removed my inflamed appendix, and that incredibly hot Dutch photographer in a Utrecht Airbnb, to whom I would havemy appendix, had he asked. Others have only penetrated me with their words or in my fantasies.

Not having sex seems to be taboo. In theory, I don’t think it should be, but based on people’s facial expressions when I tell them, it is.” they ask, horrified, as if that’s not exactly the same question I have for them when they tell me they recently had sex.I have a friend who had sex with her Uber driver last week. Another had sex with her boss.

The truth is, the underlying insecurity that comes from an entire lifetime of fatphobia is a huge part of the reason I have behaved in ways I do not like. I have never wanted to be the person someone cheats with. I have never wanted to sleep with people I do not fully respect.

Erik kept pushing me, “Come on, I really, really want to, I promise it’s fine, I don’t care how it looks or smells or tastes, I just love it.”The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend.. My resistance was bothering him and I felt guilty.

It would be years before I realised that it had most likely been planned. That Sally had brought me to her friend’s place, that they had decided to get me drunk enough so that she could leave me with him. So he could have sex with me. I learned much later that Sally was psychologicallypocket diagnosing someone. Of course, I can’t know for sure. Perhaps it was just Erik’s doing. Perhaps there was noA couple of months later, Erik texted me and asked if I wanted to go on a date.

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