, Facebook Messenger calls were ricocheting between friends and family members on three continents. Because of the strict COVID restrictions in place at the time, visitors were not allowed into the hospital. The only thing my friends knew was that I had been conscious when I was carried into the ambulance.
Waves of relief surged through me, but also guilt. I felt terrible about ruining Peter’s birthday. I’m not religious but I couldn’t help but wonder if this was It was only the next day – when the doctors told me my wrist and elbow surgeries had been successful – that I felt truly able to celebrate. To come so close to death and survive is terrifying but also exhilarating. I can’t imagine any drug producing the sense of euphoria I felt as I lay in my hospital bed the day after surgery. The world seemed to vibrate with a new intensity. I joked with a nurse that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Hadley and tell her she was a miracle.
I later emailed the lead author of the Bronx study, Michael Smith, and asked to speak to him about his findings. He replied almost instantly, saying no one had taken much interest in the study before. Smith said the crucial factor separating those who died and those who survived was how they landed. “If you hit your head, you’re dead,” he said matter-of-factly.
I had assumed Rafael had grown up poor but he said his parents were wealthy. He said they’d essentially cut him off because of his involvement with drugs and gangs. On the phone, he pleaded with his mother to help him get settled in an apartment, or at least a hotel room. Because of my back and shoulder injuries, I was hunched over and found it hard to balance myself. The occupational therapists taught me to walk with a wider stance, which made me chuckle: I felt like Nathan Lane inIn a trauma ward, you go quickly from being a top priority to an afterthought. As my discharge date approached, the occupational therapists stopped coming by and so did the doctors. After a week in the hospital, the staff were ready for me to leave, and I was, too.
I would wake up several times each night and have to take painkillers and pace around the room before I could get back to sleep. I needed my dad’s help to tie up my shoelaces, put on a shirt and reach for anything above my eye level. He had to cut up my meals into small pieces, as you would for a young child.
Wow. What an experience. Glad you’re ok.
Wow. So lucky. We sure do live on a knifes edge
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