Australian supermarket sliced cheese taste test: ‘Like eating a reconstituted swamp of plastic and milk’

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Some are cheddar, some are tasty and some are terrible. Nicholas Jordan samples more than a dozen types of sliced cheese to find an inoffensive, easy-to-use square for busy schedules – and future sandwiches.

‘When I opened my fridge, I smelled nothing but the staleness of the air inside’: Nicholas Jordan on preparing for his supermarket sliced cheese taste test.‘When I opened my fridge, I smelled nothing but the staleness of the air inside’: Nicholas Jordan on preparing for his supermarket sliced cheese taste test.

once ran a cheese club with a friend. We’d buy an absurd number of fancy cheeses, get them delivered to my house, I’d divide them into portions and the club members would collect their cheeses from my house. As almost everyone missed the communal pickup date, there would be a week and a half where my fridge was 90% cheese. Every time I opened it, it would leak an aroma so robust, my house would smell for hours afterwards.

Last week, my fridge was full of supermarket sliced cheese, 4kg in all – enough to fill an entire shelf and more. When I opened my fridge I smelled nothing but the staleness of the air inside. Sliced cheese shouldn’t be smelly. Its mission in life isn’t to impress, it’s to fit in – into a sandwich, a busy work schedule or a child’s picky diet. If I’m buying sliced cheese, I’m looking for the most convenient and reliable form: tasty, inoffensive and easy to use.

 

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