After 10 years together, my boyfriend says he doesn’t want children | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

My boyfriend and I are in our mid/late thirties and have beenlove each other deeply, although we’re not always great at communicating . We’ve talked vaguely about having children over the years, and always agreed it was something we wanted in the future. For the past few years I’ve wanted children more and have brought it up more often.

One question to ask yourself, Cavanagh suggested, is: “Could you have a meaningful relationship if you aren’t parents or would there be conflict or signs of resentment?” I wonder if not having a child, if that’s the path you go down, would become the entire focus of everything that goes wrong with the relationship and, worse, if you do have one without your partner being 100% on board, would the child hold all that focus.

We’ve been conditioned to think that you only leave relationships if they are obviously not working, but if you both want radically different things, that is a form of not working, because you’re not moving forwards together. Please consider a couple of sessions of therapy, especially given your history of not communicating well. You may both be able to say and hear things, from each other and yourselves, that you hitherto have not.

Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to

🚩 'After much arm twisting, he’s now said he doesn’t want children...'

He gave it a lot of thought or was it just time..?

Hmm.. 5 years ago we didn’t have a higher cost of living !!

Can you blame him? Kids are Expensive and not to mention the convo in 30 years time when they scream at you for knowing about climate change and still being selfish and having them. awkward

Having dogs instead of kids changed my life and made me a better persons. The love I have for my dogs is unfathomable. Life has been so much better without kids.

Having kids changed my life and made me a better person. The love I have for them is unfathomable. I had my hesitations before they came along but thankful to be a dad and wouldn't change it for the world

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