It started with upper back pain. I was 14 years old, in the middle of my first year of high school when this stubborn “knot” appeared beneath my left shoulder blade. I tried massaging it, pressing it against hard surfaces and applying rubbing creams, but it remained there for nine more years.
When grade 11 came around, my academics began slipping. I was in boarding school, not too far from home, but far enough to feel lonely. My concentration levels were declining, I felt constantly tired and my nights were spent in tears. Silent sobs, so no one else could hear. I told myself I was being lazy, that I needed to get myself together. But nothing worked. I was a seemingly productive teenager.
Matric came around and I did well . I had set high expectations for myself, which were impossible to reach, so of course, I felt like I’d failed. That’s the other “symptom” – perfectionism. It didn’t make any sense: my parents clapped hands, my family was proud, but I was so disappointed. I had developed a new “symptom”: blurry vision. I blamed it on the hours I spent staring at computer screens. But when my stress levels were low, my vision would suddenly improve. “What is happening?” I’d think.
I failed my Honours and the next year, I quit my job to redo the degree. Stuck in this weird identity crisis of being a “working woman” and a university student, more symptoms began to show: nausea, insomnia, hypersomnia, nightmares, chest pain, panic attacks and short-term memory loss. I would often plan to do the simplest tasks, then immediately forget. My productivity was slow, I was struggling to string sentences together, my emotions were numb and my back was killing me.
“You have clinical depression and generalised anxiety disorder,” he said. “I’m starting you on medication immediately.”
Source: Healthcare Press (healthcarepress.net)
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