SAN DIEGO—In an effort to reduce fears and concerns about the loose jungle cat, the San Diego Zoo assured the public Friday that an escaped leopard would kill them quickly.
“Rest assured that if you cross paths with this escaped leopard, you will be dead before you even think about being scared,” said zookeeper Lloyd Rich, explaining that leopards are quick and quiet killers, so any concerns that the wild cat would waste time toying with an injured person’s body before finishing the victim off were unfounded. “You have nothing to worry about, because this leopard doesn’t want you badly wounded, he wants you dead.
One of my favorite Sir David Attenborough animals! If you're gonna eat me, I only ask to pet you first. I like knowing that my donations are being put to good use 😊.
It's important to get out ahead of it and calm the public.
Not one of those face eating leopards, is it? As long as its eating the face of someone else, I am cool with it.
We're on Team Leopard
Oh, thank God...
joerogan
newlini 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 except I would WANT to know this beautiful creature was the last thing I touched before or AT the end of me. 🤔 maybe I could wiggle around long enough to say “thanks for choosing me!”!
Wyoming is planning 'death by leopard' in case someone survives a firing squad. The leopard will feast on the condemned's internal organs, thus assuring death.
After it’s eaten their face.
looks like a jaguar in that photo 🧐
I’m waiting
Nice.
Which furry animal that can kill you is your favorite
PeterGustav2022 A leopard Is a white cat That’s peppered. If called by a panther Don’t anther. …. gotta love Ogden Nash.
The SanDiego zoo has just announced this leopard shark also escaped. They just told residents everything is fine because the leopard shark will kill them even faster than the four-legged leopard... 🐯🦈 😳😧😨😱 BoughRuth
the fuck
Actually, they drag their prey by the neck into a tree, so...😵
animals dont belong on zoos in the first place
Ah good to know, I’d hate to suffer
What ok it so long! Ayyyyyy
OhItsBubbles it won't hurt because it will be quick 💀
Can I get this in writing?
They could at least give it a police badge if it's going to run around killing people.
Not true...it's a fact cats like to play with their food! 😼
idk has that sous vide scowl going on
will it at least eat the other people's faces before mine
Not so sure that’s not actually a jaguar
But can I pet it before it kills me? I refuse to go to hell without knowing how thier fur feels!
Would have been better than two years to stop the spread of 💩
Very reassuring! LMAO!
Great!
Please kill me before that rhino shows up! 🤣
No... That's how cheetahs do it.
Leopardon me?! (Pardon me?! ;) )
as long as i get to pet the belly before my face is eaten
😂😂😂 at least they’re honest
Ah,ok! that is a relief.
It won’t drag you up a tree. They promise!
Merciful leopard is the best we can hope for
Finally some good news today!
Are they the face-chewers?
Don’t they keep some of their preys alive so that their cubs can practice?
If it had been a cheetah I could see the quickly part.
I always thought it would be a shark.
Yikes
They better. I don’t want someone to call an ambulance and try to save me, since that would both not kill me and put me in more debt than I can pay off in my lifetime.
Holy crap.
GRRRRREAT
Suicide by leopard: something new for hipsters...
If I could just rest assured my leopard would kill me quickly, I would contain my twitter misanthropy.
Judging by the solid build and rosettes on the body I’m not sure that’s not a jaguar…in which case it’d be over even quicker
'I never thought the leopard would eat MY face,' sobs area woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party
Reassuring
🤔
take me dear leopard
🤣🤣
'Don't worry, they go for the neck'
The leopard doesn't see some bonny girl or bouncing boy, The leopard goes by instinct, smell and hunch. The leopard doesn't see some loving mother's pride and joy, The only thing the leopard sees is lunch.
Thank god
It will eat their face first.
Don't be the slowest person in your neighborhood.
-- Bullshit. It's a cat. My head will be on the floor next to the zookeeper's bed tomorrow morning.
Just stay out of my garbage.
lol
There are two animals that escaped from the zoo? Rhino, & Leopard?
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Can I pet it first?
Well that’s good to know.
Thank goodness
Then I guess I should keep a pack of rew chicken with me as an appetizer. Definitely would not want to be a bad host.
The GOP insists the Leopard will just go away eventually, perhaps in the summer. Gov Desantis signed an executive order preventing schools from mandating counter leopard mandates to protect the leopard's choice to eat which children it wants and parents choice on leopard as well
Good cause tigers will put bamboo under your fingernails, waterboard you then make you watch Dune
ROFLOL
Not quick enough. I'm still here.
Wtf
i never though the leopards would eat ME quietly!
thank goodness
Tell him has to do it on my property though so StateFarm will cover it.
Only because it is what the Leopard wants you to think.
_he will be acquitted.
That’s all I’m really asking for in this situation.
Better cut with a sharp knife .
I wish the same could be said of the American medical system.
What a relief
I can haz (relatively) painless death?
That's not only a relief, but also convincing since that leopard is a virile stud showcasing his virility in a pair of leopard skin-patterned bikini briefs.
Pretty good public safety advice tbh.
this is comforting!
Unless you sold it's daughter into slavery. Then it will make you suffer.
I, for one, welcome our new leopard overlords. I'd like to remind them that I'm probably tasty and full vitamins and minerals they need to survive.
Finally, a politician living up to their promises!
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