You're Not Perfect, So Stop Trying to Be

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It sounds strange, but many of us with ADHD struggle with perfectionism. And it makes sense: People are always telling us what we did wrong and what we missed, so to avoid that, we try to do things perfectly. But this is no way to live. Find a balance.

A panel of judges hold up perfect 10 scorecards, a reminder for adults with ADHD to stop negative thoughts and focus on positives

Trying your best is always a good idea, but when you spend too much time trying to achieve perfection on things that don’t require it — because we yearn for that pat on the back — it backfires. We miss a deadline and are criticized, or we don’t have time to do things we said we would do.is to recognize when we set our standards so high that we can’t meet them. The result is disappointment, anxiety, stress, a negative attitude, and loss of motivation.

To make sure she focused on the parts of her job that needed improvement, I had her bring in a copy of the review. In many areas, she scored 5 out of 5. Her lowest score was 3, and there were only a few of those. It was clear that being average was not good enough for Marjorie, and that she needed a perfect score to be pleased with herself.I asked her if she thought her standards were too high, getting in the way of enjoying what she is good at.

 

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What you call perfectionism here for adhd brains is not perfectionism. It is inability to prioritize and therefore devoting the same urgency to all elements of a task. Labeling it perfectionism really causes many to miss the core of the problem.

The sad thing is, all of my child's teachers except one praise him and notice his efforts often. It just takes one critical, unsupportive teacher to make an ADHD kid crumble. I am so grateful for the majority of teachers, who have been incredibly kind, generous & supportive. ❤️

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