You can’t smother romantic feelings - Chicago Reader

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SavageLove: 'While he’s hosting your birthday party and playing with your testicles, he is not your boyfriend.'

I’ve heard from so many people over the years who were struggling to smother romantic feelings for lovers who did them wrong. People pining away for exes who fucked their best friends, emptied their checking accounts, and refused to respond to their texts.

So, what’s up with this guy? If he acts like a boyfriend and fucks like a boyfriend, why doesn’t he want to be a boyfriend? Maybe he’s still exploring his sexuality—maybe it’s just what he told you—and he worries that labeling the relationship, e.g., becoming boyfriend official, is going to limit him. He is a recent refugee from Straightland, after all, and most residents of Straightland have no concept of romantic relationships that aren’t sexually exclusive. Just because he’s out doesn’t mean he’s up to speed.You say he just came out, BLABBER, but you don’t say what he came out as.

Or maybe this guy knows you could be boyfriends without being exclusive or maybe he’s gay and not into you the same way you’re into him . But whatever his issues might be, BLABBERS, you should see other people while he explores/sucks/fucks his way through those issues. And if hanging out with him right now is too painful—if seeing him hurts too much—don’t hang out with him, don’t socialize with him, don’t take turns sitting on dicks with him.

P.S. Congrats on your sobriety—and while I hope your parents apologized to you at some point, I’m guessing they haven’t, seeing as they aren’t just evangelicals, but narcissists to boot.

 

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