Why I Sneak Around Cheating on My Radical Queer Politics With Queer Wedding Instagram

. It remains a reliable source for health insurance and tax benefits. Where else but our neoliberal, nuclear family–obsessed society would we readily hinge our citizenship and health on the success of a relationship that began as a fleeting spark or a good fuck?Realizing I was queer in college further complicated the marriage problem.

#Queerwedding was a fount of perfectly tailored suits and ethereal photoshoots in forests, twilight highlighting the glimmer in the eyes of the two people in love. I found myself fascinated—and ravenous. This wasn’t a listless scroll; this was fervor. I resurfaced in a haze and closed the app. What had just happened? I couldn’t name the feeling these photos evoked, just that I’d been unable to stop looking at them. Did consuming so much wedding content mean I wanted to get married? I wondered if I had betrayed my politics; if, by simply scrolling, I’d abandoned my radical roots in favor of an assimilationist taste for rustic chic decor and a registry on the Knot.

Another factor that’s changed since my #nomarriage #notever days is I’ve fallen in love. Even before college, I never dreamed of a wedding or picked out engagement rings for fun; in fact, I mocked the people who did, because I’m an asshole. Finding “my person” just wasn’t something I cared about. But this kind of love has softened my heart. It’s challenged my dualities—and my obstinacy.

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