When Your Rapist Is a Woman

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We know rape is a national crisis—but we're missing one glaring side of the story.

, default to"wife" for victim and"husband" for attacker. The implication is that rape only occurs in heterosexual marriages or long-term partnerships—which is, of course, not the case.

For the next six months, Sarah's partner continued to rape her. She eventually mustered up the strength to leave the relationship after her partner made a particularly controlling demand: that Sarah financially support her. When Sarah reasoned that she was unable to, her partner attempted to hit her. She fled the apartment, her partner following her outside with a knife just as she drove away.

There are larger, cultural implications of naming a same-sex attacker. Even as LGBTQ rights are on the ascent,"there's a fear that accusing someone of assault within your community, which is already marginalized, will give society cause to fear or marginalize you further," says Trilling. Queer women's historical legacy as"deviant" is not that far behind.

"I stayed up all night assuming she would leave in the morning," she remembers, still haunted."She didn't. She didn't understand 'no' after that." Ella's date then sexually assaulted her, took a shower, and finally left for work back at the restaurant where they had met. The obstacles don't end there. Experts say that this reticence to involve the authorities can be traced back to a lack of understanding around LGBTQ issues broadly. Data from a 2015describes a"historically mistrustful relationship of the LGBTQ community and law enforcement," which has resulted in not only having claims of violence dismissed, but also victims being mistakenly arrested as perpetrators.

But there are exceptions to this widespread negligence. A now infamous case of queer rape brought national attention to the issue in 2005, when two young women were charged with assault and sexual battery for raping a 20-year-old student at Smith College in Northampton, MA.

 

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