When My Wife and I Decided to “Awaken” Our Sex Life, This Isn’t Exactly What We Had in Mind

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Dear How to Do It: I’m not sure my wife is going to be down with this.

I’m a 30-year-old gay trans man coming out of a divorce , and I’m excited to be able to have the sex I’ve always wanted, that is, gay sex with other queer men. However, I’m not sure if anyone will actually want to have sex with me. I’ve got maybe three experiences of topping, many years ago and all while wasted. Pretty much all the sex I’ve had up til now has been bottoming for straight men as a straight woman.

Which is to say: Don’t wear your insecurities and inexperience on your sleeve. It can be endearing when someone is honest about their shortcomings, but if you’re really set on being a top, it would be wise to convey that you know what you’re doing—that you’re capable of taking the reins but also considering the pleasure and gratification of your partner. If this doesn’t come naturally to you after a few tries, reconsider your positioning choice.

 

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