What to say to a friend who's struggling with their mental health

Dr Roberta Babb, a leading psychologist, shares what to say and what not to say so you can support them in the right wayDr Roberta Babb is a clinical psychologist, psychodynamic psychotherapist, director of Third Eye Psychology and a partner of the. Here she shares her advice for helping a friend who is struggling with their mental health.

That said, start by managing your own emotions. Most likely, you’ll be feeling helpless. The reality is that you probably can’t take your friend’s suffering away and you’re not going to be able to lift them out of whatever it is they’re going through. That’s a painful thing to sit with.Don’t try to fix your friend: that’s not your job. It’s also not your job to give advice – tread very carefully if you do.

What’s much more useful is to talk about the emotional experience; how it can feel like the days go on for ever, for example.Create space in which they feel they can open up. First, ask open-ended questions. ‘How are you feeling?’and ‘What’s been going on for you today?’ are much better than, ‘Are you okay?’, which can be closed down easily with a yes or no answer.

Research will also make you more mindful of things that you might not otherwise realise. For example, when someone is going through something like depression, they may not have the mental energy to make decisions or plans. Instead of saying, ‘What do you want to do for lunch?’, present them with options they can choose from. Maybe it’s, ‘I fancy going out for a burrito or a sandwich. Do you have a sense of which one you prefer, or would you like me to choose?’Gentle distraction is good.

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