What the Jezebel Staff Has On Tap For This Strange-Ass Memorial Day Weekend

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Time has simply zipped the fuck by, spring is over, summer is HERE (I think), and it’s Memorial Day Weekend in America, baby—a strange and weird long weekend that’s usually punctuated by outdoor activities enacted in close quarters with people you love or at least sort of care about, a drink in both hands and the bare grass on your feet.

I will be spending all weekend with the only living creature I’ve touched for months, my dog Frankie. She’s been enjoying, or at least not objecting to, the massages I’ve been giving her that lately have been feeling, how do I put it, a little too romantic.My Memorial Day plans are to sit in my recently-bought kiddie pool, which is for toddlers and also the only one I could find, and smoke as many joints as humanly possible until I am unable to even stand up.

I am going to sit in my backyard on my picnic table and hiss at any of my neighbors who try to come outside while I’m outside.My Memorial Day plans are stuffing my toddler full of home-frozen popsicles made out of fruit juice and watching her run around a sprinkler from a lawn chair.

, which bored the shit out of us, he complained that my movie selections are too popcorn, so we may watch something off the Criterion Channel by Fellini or Fassbinder. There is a chance I’ll do a FaceTime or Zoom call in there. Always a chance of that.Interspersed will be directing tons of love and attention to my cat, Prince, whom I worship more than any god I’ve ever met and have started calling Snoots. Now that I have the time, I may make him a Jezebel celebrity in the next few weeks.

 

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a bit of crazy hors d'oeurve making perhaps?

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