What psychology is revealing about 'ghosting' and the pain it causes

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Have you been ghosted? This sudden and unexplained end to communication is a distressing and unsettling experience. Now psychologists are building a picture of why people do it, and why it’s uniquely painful (clue, it’s down to the quirks of your brain)

IT WAS 2015 when Jennice Vilhauer’s clients started telling her ghost stories. The Los Angeles-based psychotherapist had more than 10 years of experience helping people with their depression, anxiety and relationship issues – but suddenly, clients began telling her about a new problem, one that left them extremely distressed.

They were victims of ghosting, where one person ends all communication with another, disappearing like a phantom. Messages are ignored and just like that, the person you had a connection with – typically a romantic partner, but sometimes a friend or colleague – chooses to disengage with no explanation. But when Vilhauer searched for more information, she found little research on this phenomenon.

Which begs the question, what is uniquely painful about ghosting? After all, it nearly always hurts when a relationship ends.

 

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Everyone has their own life to live, ghosting is just perceived incorrectly; a manner of staying away from certain individuals that they don’t vibe well with has gone on from the beginning of time or humanity.

Sometimes I feel like violence fills the void...

Ghosters are the worst, and I’m not talking about strangers I can give a damn about strangers, but the people you were in a relationship and boom they ghost or don’t reply. Sucks! They cut you with a knife as you were invested in that person.

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