What Happened to My Sex Drive?

Illustration: By Stevie Remsberg Sometime in April, my libido suddenly seemed to be hiding somewhere near the core of the Earth. I was in lockdown alone with my partner, and we had way more time and privacy than usual, rare luxuries that I felt I needed to take advantage of. And yet I had no interest in sex. In addition to being frustrated, I was worried; this was abnormal for me. I wondered if I was depressed, or had some deeper, subconscious issue with my partner.

Instead, like the rest of your bodily functions, it’s not entirely under your control. “Try telling your pancreas to stop working right now, or ask your heart to do three extra beats. You don’t have complete autonomy over your body,” says Shan Boodram, a certified sex educator. “It’s not all 100 percent a choice: There are hormones at work, there are nervous systems, there are nerve endings that also have to participate.

Snyder put things more creatively: “Two hundred thousand years ago on the plains of Africa, people had sex when there were no lions around. If someone saw a lion, no one got very hard or wet until it went away.” Meanwhile, there are little things you can do to reduce stress, like exercise, meditation, or speaking with loved ones. “I ask my clients: What’s one small thing you could say yes to?” suggests Fleming. “I don’t know where that’s going to go, but usually if it feels good, one yes is going to lead to another.”

A relationship I was in back in March-April, we went sexless for a time. She asked if it was because I didn’t find her attractive. Couldn’t have been further from the truth. I loved her, she was amazing, just stress from everything

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