Wednesday is frighteningly dull

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Even Jenna Ortega can't save Netflix's bafflingly boring Addams Family spinoff

investigates grisly deaths perpetrated by a bug-eyed monster. Along the way, she gets caught up in a love triangle, makes friends, and thaws the ice around her black heart.We don’t know about you, but the very last thing we want to see Wednesday Addams become is an emotionally enlightened do-gooder; we come to this character for po-faced one-liners and casual sadism.

The show’s dialogue is flavorless at best and laughable at worst. And we get the sense that neither Gough nor Millar has talked to a teen in several decades; the Nevermore kids routinely read aThe writers also take baffling liberties with history: Nevermore’s most famous alum is Edgar Allan Poe , who, IRL, went to boarding school in London.

Though she has zero to work with, horror-movie fave Ortega does what she can with her character, nailing the deadpan delivery Christina Ricci perfected in the ’90s movies. She gets the series’ few good lines, dropping rapid-fire anecdotes about hibernating with grizzlies and the death of her pet scorpion.

Gough and Millar have a long history with teen-genre potboilers: They dipped into the superhero world with Superman high-school dramawhich ran for a whopping 10 seasons. Next, they took a stab at fantasy with MTV and Spike’sThese shows were formulaic in their own ways; but they don’t hold a candelabra to the profound unoriginality of

 

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She looks 12 years old in this photo.

Burton’s recent “products” are casting a pall over his body of work.

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