As a 22-year-old writer who finally moved to New York City, I expected rewatching Sex and the City to reinforce my admiration for Carrie Bradshaw. To a broke college freshman, her lifestyle was alluring—a chic combination of sipping cosmos at trendy clubs and memorable yet turbulent dates. But upon examining the show through the lens of actually living in New York in my 20s, my perspective has shifted. For the first time, I can’t say I admire Carrie.
Of all Carrie’s destructive habits, it was the trials and tribulations with Mr. Big that I’d argue affected her the most. Their relationship, though marketed to be a passionate whirlwind romance, was a combination of pain and momentary pleasure, turbulence and security.Courtesy of HBO. Though many would say Carrie’s plotlines were shallow, I would disagree. Her impulsive actions and lack of authentic introspection told us so much about Carrie’s complex nature. Why did Mr. Big trigger such an intense response from Carrie, and why did she keep going back?
We gravitate away from reliable partners and towards those who are more avoidant, who see intimacy as the opposite of independence. A.K.A. the Mr. Bigs of the world. Toxic dynamics like these often become lifelong tendencies. Carrie enjoyed the unhealthy nature of her relationship with Big—confirmed in the episode where she compared her relationship to him with S&M. Eventually, she attempted to vie for Big’s attention through rebellion, threatening to hook up with strangers, throwing belongings, screaming and lashing out.
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