Walgreens Introduces New Dumbass-Only Shopping Hours For Dipshits Who Don’t Know How To Stay 6 Feet Away

This one’s funny.

Lol this article is 8 months old and still extremely relevant

Not surprisingly dumbasses never think 4 themselves!

🤣🤣

Me and the boys getting ready for Dumbass-Only Shopping Hours

davidcrosss _Short_Round_ why did I read this in your voice? lol

Walmart introduces competing shopping hours idgits who deplore dipshits.

my mother in law could use a job at Walgreens.

JSnow19599570 you down to hit up Walgreens?

Real 'dumbass shopping' is idiots that need arrows to figure out how to stay six feet from someone...

SovietSergey I going to burn some asses posting this on Facebook (which is a publisher and should be regulated as such).

If you're wearing the mask it doesn't matter. If you can't social distance wear the mask, if you can you don't need the mask. That has been and continues to be the recommendation. Not sure what is so difficult to understand...

More hilariously stuff from the virtue signalers of America.

Every. Single. Day. Back up people!!!!

How about unafraid people who know the Covid fear is bullshit? Recovery rate is 99% unless you have underlying health issues or are very old.

Real Americans

😂

Too bad for the employees still

“Patrons who forgot their mask at home or keep it under their noses will receive a $15 gift card and a punch in the face”

Not seen in the picture is Tom Cruise directing line traffic

That would be all day long

If I had a nickel for every time someone reached across me to grab something off a shelf during this pandemic, I'd have 55 cents.

My local grocery could use these hours...

So every hour at Walmart?

Yay!

That would be 24 7 at walgreens

People who social distance are dipshits!

Dumbass shopping is trending

All good until you realize because they’re dipshits they’ll likely ignore the hours and come whenever

Hold up, this isn't satire...

Surely a dumbass like me can’t be expected to remember so many numbers.

this isn't satire

ThreeBZine

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire! 😂😂😂

Hey. Walgreens states they won’t require shoppers to wear masks setting the standard for retail pharmacies everywhere. BUT will let others refer to their employees as heroes which is just as good. WorkersUnitedNY NailTechsUnited safetyfirst

Omg I'm laughing so hard!!!🤣

antoneux I can't tell if this is real or not because where we are now.

Republicans. You dont have to drag it out. You mean Republicans.

Jerrymcd DonÕt

As a Walgreens employee I strongly approve of this change

50% off tildõs at Walgreens (rewards card required for discount).

That would be mine time!

Holy fuck that last sentence is brutal

DonÕt

Social distancing is a 2 way street. If youre going to stare at something o a shelf for longer than 30 seconds then I dont give a shit about your 6 feet. Not gonna stand around all day for people

I don’t think walking by someone to grab some food is gonna kill anyone

Tf

Fucking christ. Are you sure this isn't Walmart ? Literally just went to walmart where they are literally herding people through one of 3 entrances with gates and caution tape making absolutely certain people have to be as close as possible. Astounding.

for 2 dollars you can buy gum

this is my dark energy right now

Especially those folks who go down the same aisle as you just to stroll even though you are stopped looking at something. Shopping at Walmart is not a waltz in the park type of activity. You know who you are Mr. Mask guy at Walmart. Still mad cause the dude went extra slow....

DonÕt

I was surrounded by door knob lickers at the Flying J gas station last night. Fml

DonÕt

So, I guess that's all operating hours then?

DonÕt

Probably same people who tailgate, even on icy roads

D.O.S.H.

SonyaNotSonya

please implement this irl

😂😂😂😂

This is such a bummer for boomer guy who walks around mocking all of the 'sheep' for wearing their masks and gloves. Who will he harass and annoy here?

DonÕt

DonÕt

DonÕt

dril?

It is such a shame that the truth tends to be so hilarious, and so deadly.

donÕt

People who think the onion has slipped have not been paying attention the past year.

Group chat name changed to DonÕt

DonÕt

¡OniÕn!

DonÕt

gillsterein DonÕt

There's a secret 10% extra markup, too.

DonÕt

4:20 am only, yes

could be true 😉

Õ

😂😂😂

Shame on you Walgreens and cvspharmacy !!! For your disgustingly greedy policies for sick pay during the Coronavirus . I will never step foot in either of your stores again . I will just go to a small pharmacy and pay more . It’s out of principle which you are both clearly lack

If Republicans would just stay home, this would be unnessessary 😆

Available in Florida stores only.

Today I went to my local Publix and they were allowing only 10 people at a time, surprisingly the waiting time outside for each next group wasn't more than 10 minutes and according to the mngr inside the whole store they were admitting no more than 50 people. Very organized.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Stand 6 feet apart while waiting in line for your 10 pack of insulin syringes that you will use for your heroin injections...I mean to treat your grandma’s cat’s diabetes.

How about dipshits who have masks but don’t wear them?

avaaguadagnino

Good news ChildIntangible!

The fact that the Onion has been getting more and more passive aggressive with these is great~

its should have never been called 'social distancing' in the first place. it should have been called 'person next to you with B.O. distancing' at least that how it feelz

JeffQld How sad that their really are assholes like this😭

The Onion is on fire. Thanks

NEEDED

I worked at a Walgreens and I wish this was a thing.

This is way too real to be fake

Alyciajoybadger

HumanistReport I feel personally attacked

Welcome to Florida!!!!!

I wish this was real lol

that's Tuesday and Thursday at meijer

Stupid is as stupid does.🙄

I suggest shopping hours for dipshits who don't know how to sneeze into their elbow pit.

Hah, they can infect themselves.

For real!

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