Vaccination Drive Finally Returns Nursing Home To Normal Levels Of Depressing

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 21 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 12%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

GILBERT, AZ—Residents and employees were reportedly celebrating Wednesday after the completion of a coronavirus vaccination drive finally returned a local nursing home to regular levels of depressing. “It’s just a relief to get everyone vaccinated so we can go back to the incredibly bleak day to day of our joyless pre-Covid existence,” said Lake Pleasant Nursing Home administrator Caroline Bellis, adding that the tired and fearful residents were assembling that evening for an interminable group game night. “We’re just delighted that residents won’t have to be cooped up in their rooms anymore because of coronavirus and will be back to being cooped up because our chronically understaffed and underpaid employees are spread too thin to attend to everyone’s basic needs. Residents can finally shuffle outside to meet with friends anywhere in our dirty, crumbling facility to watch each other waste away. And every one of our vaccinated residents can start visiting with their families, if their families still bother to visit them. It’s just great to see that dull, glazed look in their eyes again.” At press time, the staff were celebrating the restoring of normalcy after seeing a resident die from something besides coronavirus again.\n

GILBERT, AZ—Residents and employees were reportedly celebrating Wednesday after the completion of a coronavirus vaccination drive finally returned a local nursing home to regular levels of depressing.

“We’re just delighted that residents won’t have to be cooped up in their rooms anymore because of coronavirus and will be back to being cooped up because our chronically understaffed and underpaid employees are spread too thin to attend to everyone’s basic needs. Residents can finally shuffle outside to meet with friends anywhere in our dirty, crumbling facility to watch each other waste away.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Fucking brutal

The odds of their children visiting unchanged somehow

This is why we had to sacrifice.

Grandma can finally relax knowing she'll pass alone and depressed, instead of Covid.

Too real

And dancing in the pool holding empty milk jugs.

I'D FREAKIN' take go back to my normal depression over my current one. With the former, people could convince me things are not as bad as they seem. With the latter? No.

Screw you Onion

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Libya launches Covid-19 vaccination drive for public – latest updatesLibya launches coronavirus vaccination drive for general public. More Covid19 updates: 🇿🇼 Zimbabwe frees some inmates to reduce virus risk in jails 🇹🇷 Turkey reports over 62,500 new cases 🇮🇹 Italy reports 310 new deaths, 15,370 more cases More here:
Source: trtworld - 🏆 101. / 63 Read more »

Pakistan blames WHO-backed COVAX for delay in its vaccination driveThe GAVI and WHO-led COVAX is facing a shortage as India’s Serum Institute has diverted supplies to meet domestic needs. india sent millions of vaccines to neighbors but Pakistan never made any request to India
Source: trtworld - 🏆 101. / 63 Read more »

Johnson & Johnson rare blood clot concerns deal new blow to global vaccination driveReports that the Johnson & Johnson Covid-19 vaccine may, in extremely rare cases, cause blood clots has dealt a fresh blow to the world's vaccination drive Hope you can translate this. * dutch*. Pharmaceutical Johnson & Johnson asks EU countries not to use the Janssen vaccines supplied. Be aware with the Covid-19 vaccine produced all over the world, they are not safe and good to human health.
Source: CNN - 🏆 4. / 95 Read more »

Thandie Newton, Chiwetel Ejiofor, KSI Join Lenny Henry’s Drive for Black Britons to Take Vaccination JabsActors Chiwetel Ejiofor and Thandie Newton, radio personality Trevor Nelson, musician KSI and author Malorie Blackman are among the signatories on a letter by comedian Lenny Henry asking the U.K.&… Shame KSI is transphobic though
Source: Variety - 🏆 108. / 63 Read more »

Russia lags behind others in its COVID-19 vaccination driveRussia boasted last year of being first in the world to authorize a coronavirus vaccine, but it now finds itself lagging in getting its population immunized.
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »