GILBERT, AZ—Residents and employees were reportedly celebrating Wednesday after the completion of a coronavirus vaccination drive finally returned a local nursing home to regular levels of depressing.
“We’re just delighted that residents won’t have to be cooped up in their rooms anymore because of coronavirus and will be back to being cooped up because our chronically understaffed and underpaid employees are spread too thin to attend to everyone’s basic needs. Residents can finally shuffle outside to meet with friends anywhere in our dirty, crumbling facility to watch each other waste away.
Fucking brutal
The odds of their children visiting unchanged somehow
This is why we had to sacrifice.
Grandma can finally relax knowing she'll pass alone and depressed, instead of Covid.
Too real
And dancing in the pool holding empty milk jugs.
I'D FREAKIN' take go back to my normal depression over my current one. With the former, people could convince me things are not as bad as they seem. With the latter? No.
Screw you Onion
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