The good news is that intrapersonal emotional competence can be learned. Many treatment approaches and educational approaches can help people identify, understand, express, use, and regulate their emotions. Perhaps our current parenting interventions should focus less on promoting parental interpersonal intelligence via teaching empathy, and do more to teach intrapersonal emotional competence instead.
Ironically, that perfectionist ideal of “I can’t be happy unless my child is happy” is what blocks the child from learning self-regulation from the parent. Sometimes, it’s OK for a child to be mildly uncomfortable, in service of the parent engaging in self-care. It’s OK for a toddler to be bored while her parent eats lunch, or for a child to miss out on an extra-curricular activity that would put too much stress on the family schedule.
Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. . Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child Abuse & Neglect, 80, 134‑145. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025 Mikolajczak, M., Petrides, K. V., Coumans, N., & Luminet, O. . The moderating effect of trait emotional intelligence on mood deterioration following laboratory-induced stress. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 9, 455‑477.
KoslowitzDr What if your kid was empathetic 😮
KoslowitzDr Empathy is exhausting when you're constantly using it, as when raising kids.
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