Town Nervously Welcomes Veteran Back Home

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BEVERLY, MA—Upon Sgt. 1st Class Ted Orcutt’s return from a year of active combat duty in Afghanistan, the 34-year-old veteran’s tight-knit community came out in full force to nervously welcome him home, sources reported Monday. “Great to have you back, man,” said an apprehensive childhood friend of Orcutt, shaking the National Guard member’s hand just a beat too long as assorted neighbors and town officials smiled and looked on anxiously. “You look good. You look great! Hey, if you ever need anything, just let us know. Call me any time. For a beer, whatever. Phone’s always on.” At press time, locals were reportedly exchanging nervous glances as the veteran excused himself for a moment from his welcome-back barbecue.

 

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He's probably thinking that being in the military is better to living in this town.

where he finds he must compete with illegal immigrants for a job.

Everything would be fine if it weren’t for those voices in his head!

weed helps PTSD

'Oh, I thought you di-... never mind, welcome home, I guess?'

Goes High Plains Drifter on Town

Bad day at Black Rock. I see Spencer Tracy’s arm

Those were dark day shouldn’t have happen

Hahahahahahahaha oh fuck yall really did it

God damn, Onion.

No fireworks

Lol Rambo

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