Thomas Hardy Takes a Rewrite Job at an Advertising Agency

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In newyorkerhumor, Thomas Hardy rewrites some well-known slogans.

Thomas Hardy’s rewrite: Where’s the flesh of the tender Dorset cow, whose herd is dying of bloat?Hardy’s rewrite: The rum-laced porridge you eat before auctioning off your wife and child.Olive GardenHardy’s rewrite: When you’re here, you’re two eccentric cousins living in sin.Hardy’s rewrite: When it absolutely, positively has to be there in a fortnight.Hardy’s rewrite: Maybe it’s a non-congenital Victorian illness that will kill her in adolescence regardless.Hardy’s rewrite: Expect more.

Pay with your flock of sheep that will go soaring over a cliff to their deaths, for this is the price of wanting.Hardy’s rewrite: Because you’re worth nothing, as you are a woman, and the town has made up its mind about you.Hardy’s rewrite: Imagination will get you nowhere, as your fate is to be a hay-trusser or poultry-keeper.

 

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