My life philosophy up until this point was “why eat tofu when you can have meat?” Which is like an angry-uncle-Facebook-comment of a life philosophy so I’m happy to report that I’m past that now. I’m a person who finally gets this whole tofu thing. If you’ve avoided it, or tried and failed to turn that jiggly lump of protein into dinner, this recipe will give you the confidence to make it over and over again.
The reason my former experience with tofu was limited to watching it disintegrate into mushy stir-fries of failure can be explained easily. L-A-Z-Y. The most important thing is to dry out and squish the tofu under a heavy pot/cast-iron pan so that it can become an actual texture once cooked. This takes time and some annoyance: You have to use a lot of paper towels and wait 30 minutes.
That probably only took a few minutes, and the tofu’s still dying under the weight of the world, so you know what that means: make a martini.forgot to add this to the recipe for whatever reason: Put a plop of vermouth in a shaker, then pour out, stack the shaker with ice, fill nearly to top with Beefeater, shake to the beat of a waltz, pour into glass with a lemon twist. What a coincidence, the tofu’s ready now. Cut it into sugar cube–sized cubes.
. Hate making grains? Not anymore, friends. Once you cook it like pasta, you’ll be making a big batch of rice/farro/quinoa every week because it’s so easy. Fill a pot with salty water and crank up the heat to get it boiling. I’ve learned the hard way what happens if you don’t go to the trouble of rinsing quinoa before cooking. It will taste kind of musty and old-sock-y. So rinse it until the water in the bowl looks clear and your hands are freezing.Once the water’s boiling, add the quinoa and stir it here and there until it’s ready, which will take 10–12 minutes. “Ready” means it’s transformed from crunchy pebbles into a chewy, edible grain.
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