Things You Should Never Say To A Flight Attendant

“This is madness! Humans were not meant to fly!”Advertisement“Can I switch seats so I can sit with the other terrorists?”

Before bugging your flight attendant, try politely asking the person currently sitting next to your co-conspirator if they wouldn’t mind swapping since they’ll be dead in 30 minutes anyway.“Do you have any extra SkyMall copies I can masturbate to?”Advertisement“I think a small fire has broken out in the bathroom.”AdvertisementUnfortunately it’s unlikely that they will be able to hear you if this is the case.

Nothing’s more irritating than when a passenger holds up the plane for hours or even days because they’re waiting for The Almighty’s blessing to proceed to Denver.“I was just on top of the plane and you didn’t even know about it.”

This one is your funniest article of the year! You deserve the Nobel prize for comedy. DM me your credit card info and I'll book a flight for you to Zurich or Munich or wherever the Nobel Academy for Motion Pictures is located! Just don't bother the flight attendants! 😂😂

Hi jack

‘I’ll buy you a horse’.

I like to ask ' Are we there yet? ' Everytime one comes close to my seat

What about ' I got a bomb......... Recipe for lasagna'

Good to see that 'You. Me. Aft bathroom in five minutes' is still acceptable

'Not even if I gave you a horse?'

You Al Qaeda bomb under my seat my drink order.

Oh hell.

I think someone shit my pants.

'I'll buy you a horse'

Again?

these are good

I mean, if you have done that...you probably need to let someone know

The easiest way to get moved from the exit row is to simply respond with 'oui' when they ask if you speak English.

“You’ll have to drag me down the aisle…”

'But is it the law, though?'

See the funny thing about the last one is that THEY ASK YOU THIS BEFORE HAND. Meaning if you decide after the fact you don't want to sit there, not only are you a coward but you're also an asshole.

Rules are for others, not me.

Exit row rocks

Sky Mall? I haven’t seen one of those in like 15 years.

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