Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a woman kissing her fling for the first time while trying to figure out what she wants in a relationship: 43, single, London.7 a.m. Get out of bed after lying awake for a few hours. I strongly suspect I’m perimenopausal and one symptom is early waking. I generally drift awake from about 5 a.m., no matter how late I go to sleep.
10 p.m. I go to bed and get off to some porn without worrying about keeping the sound down. One benefit of living alone! I prefer bisexual male threesome porn, as the women in it usually look like they’re having fun, plus I love to see two good-looking men fucking.8 a.m. I do a strength training class over Zoom. I’m an avid gymgoer but I haven’t been back to the gyms since they reopened as I’m still nervous about COVID. I’ve lost a lot of muscle mass so far in lockdown.
11 a.m. Turns out he did match with me! We chat for a bit. He’s really cute, but it turns out he’s in a committed open relationship and looking for other partners. I wish people would be more upfront about that on their profiles but I understand why they’re not. 5.30 p.m. I have therapy over the phone. I’ve been going to therapy since my 20s, although not continuously. The person I see now is somewhere between a counsellor and a therapist — she helps me through scenarios and gives me advice, which my previous psychoanalyst didn’t do. We talk about how I can learn to ask for things that I want without feeling like I’m steamrolling over other peoples’ needs.11.30 a.m.
12 p.m. I had intended to go to the supermarket tomorrow and possibly have an outside, socially distanced date with M on Sunday, but until I get my test results back it’s all up in the air. I let him know I’m coughing and going for a test, as it’s only fair he’s fully informed — even if my result is negative he still might want to cancel.8 a.m. I get my test result — it’s negative! I’m so relieved, and happy I heard back in only 19 hours.
Didn’t Sex and the City do this 25 years ago?
cc BenHagueComedy
This is what you are writing about now?....a new low
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