Our self-critical thoughts make us feel bad, which make us do unhealthy things to soothe ourselves. Then we feel worse and the cycle repeats.Practicing self-compassion requires consciously refocusing one's thoughts.
Our self-criticism leads to our feeling really terrible, which often leads to our doing something stupid to make ourselves feel better and, at the same time, avoiding anything to do with our initial goals. So how can we get out of this trap? By using the three strategies I’m going to describe.I want you to meet Adrian, a client of mine. Adrian is in her mid-30s. She has a wickedand long curly hair that she is always pinning up in different styles.
This leads us to Strategy #1. Goals are not all or nothing, so notice what went well along with what did not go well. Give yourself credit for making a good start. Adrian met her goals 100% with friends and 33% with eating—I think that’s a good start.Next, Adrian and I mapped out the effects of her self-criticism and how she gets herself into a spiral of negativity. Here is Adrian’s spiral: She makes some progress on a goal but not 100% . She only notices what she did not do.
This leads us to Strategy #2. Notice the consequences of your own self-critical thoughts. Try to map out your self-critical spiral. What do you do as a consequence of your self-criticism? Does it help? Do you give up?Next, Adrian and I spent some time examining how she could have responded in a self-compassionate way instead of a self-critical way. This was hard for her, so I asked her to think about how she would respond to a friend in a compassionate way.
This was really helpful. I had a few clients who were struggling meeting goals and being trapped in self- criticism. It's important to practice self-compassion.
BRAVI
/8 this is how I stop episodes and improve my case. It is the emotional charge in the subconscious doing this... target it directly the symptom stops. Over 4300 times over the last 12 years in my own case alone.
/7 Stop beating yourself up with accusations and criticism... it is not the Thoughts making you feel bad... it is FEELING BAD that brings on the criticism, which brings on the thoughts. Target the thing behind the thing. Best Wishes from a researcher with PTSD...
If anyone is interested in the technique or my research, I invite you to learn more about it on my blog: My Ebook of my 10 years of research teaches the technique: As does my paperback-
These are some things the technique works on: suicidal thoughts, flashbacks, panic attacks, Aggravation, Anger, Hate, Hostility, sadness, grief, guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness, Fears Stress, Intimidation, Shyness, Worry, Horror, Terror, Panic and MORE
/4 or CHANGE a thing... not even a thought. We stop the cause of the thought.
/3 Step 3 is doing the technique. That emotional signal stops...and the thoughts stop. I have done this many times, in many ways, on MANY things with my PTSD. Stopping the Resentments and criticism ITSELF, is the most compassion thing you can do...and you don't have to ACCEPT...
/2 to stop self-criticism. You look at it. Name it. 'This is criticism'. It can contain accusations. 'This is accusation and criticism' Second, we look at the emotional charge and label that...'This is Criticism CHARGE'. That works. Just naming it does not always stop it...
I do it another way. Compassion is the desire to alleviate suffering. The best way I found to stop the 'self critic' was to process the criticism itself, it is NOT the thoughts. Critical thoughts are from the criticism itself. You don't have to change your thoughts....
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