The Suburban Nightmares Haunting the Lifetime Movie

In one of the opening scenes of Lifetime’s relentlessly self-aware 2016 reboot of its 1993 camp classic,, the film’s main character, a relentlessly culturally-aware college student, opines: “The firstbook was good because it made teen sex dangerous again.” The reboot attempts to both mock that idea and find a concept that might still be dangerous-yet-sexy in 2016, changing the made-for-TV movie’s original focus, an abusive relationship, to misandrist lesbian vampires.

This idea of the well-to-do as a particular target of crime was prevalent in the heyday of the Lifetime movie as well. In the bookexamines The network found an audience with women by expanding on the crisis stories of after-school specials by making them sexier, more dangerous, but still identifiably and relatably suburban, a story about an amnesiac mother who can’t remember why a stranger attempted to kill her family, Lifetime became the corner of cable television where moralistic after-school specials of the 1970s met the Mary Higgins Clark sexy crime thriller. But the format wasn’t relegated to Lifetime.

? opens with some solid paranoia around class disparities. The film opens with a pretty blond high-schooler exiting a shiny Jeep full of other, equally middle-class white teenagers. Inside her pristine suburban home, the safety is broken by a teenage boy who drives a rusted jalopy, demanding sex before bashing the teenage girl’s head in with the family’s marble cutting board.

And though it’s nothing like the original, really—the titular mother isn’t right, there’s no real moralistic message tacked on, and the suburban fears are front and center, instead of baked in—the reboot captures the spirit of the original in that it shouldn’t be great, but it’s fucking great. AsSam Adams wrote in a 2016 review: “This is not a nonstop eyerolling marathon. This is progressive schlock at its finest...

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