The Psychology Behind Why Adult Siblings Grow Apart

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Sibling rifts — like the rumored one between Prince William and Prince Harry — are more common than you think, family therapists say.

“I’ve put my arm around my brother all our lives and I can’t do that any more; we’re separate entities,” William is said to have told a close friend recently, according to a report fromThose of us who’ve watched the brothers grow up are a little bent out of shape over it, too. You don’t have to be a diehard monarchist or even a fan of the royal family to feel some secondhand sadness over seeing the late Princess Diana’s sons go in different directions.

“This is a strikingly common occurrence among siblings,” Duffy said. “It doesn’t always suggest a rift, it’s often just different preferences: With families I work with, I am forever struck by how different siblings can be from one another. They often choose different geographic locations, occupations, qualities in spouses, and virtually every other element of their lifestyles.”

Genetics and similar childhoods aside, it’s wishful thinking to expect siblings to take up as much space in each other’s lives as they did growing up. It’s also naive to assume that distancing yourself from a sibling is inherently a bad thing, said“I think we are delusional if we expect sibling relationships to be the same from childhood and even more delusional if we misconstrue sibling differences as sibling rivalry,” she said. “These two are humans.

 

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