were a big part of my nine-year-old’s weekend plans. My twins have had a couple of sleepovers, but they’re younger and not quite ready for overnights at a friend’s house. The rules when having a sleepover—either at home or at someone else’s house—are simple: be respectful, lights out by 9:00 p.m. and asleep by 9:30 p.m., and if you or your friend want to go home for any reason then that is always allowed without shame or pressure to stay. The rules never include restrictions based on gender.
The generic idea that boys and girls shouldn’t be left alone or allowed to participate in co-ed sleepovers makes me wonder about the belief systems of the person distributing such restrictions. It reminds me how stuck people are in their. To simply declare spaces that are out of view of adult eyes as taboo or to consider times spent in the dark forbidden between kids of different genders are gross assumption that all of these friendships are sexual in nature.
Not all mixed gender relationships have the possibility of sexual curiosity or desire, either because of readiness or sexuality. And speaking of sexuality, telling your daughter that she can’t have a boy in her room simply because he’s a boy indicates you are assuming both your daughter and her friend are straight.
Not that anything ever happened—because the objects of my affection weren’t gay—but when I was identifying as a girl and was invited to an all-girls study session or get together as a teenager, I was buzzing with nerves and imagination. My thoughts were not pure and if I knew another girl was interested I can’t say my actions would have been either. The absence of boys wasn’t my problem.
Another big assumption making you look foolish is the fact that you are stuck in thinking all children are either male or female and those children are cisgender—meaning they identify as the gender they were assigned at birth based on their biological sex.
Well, one of my kids does identify as straight, so no boys in a closed room. The other is non-binary, so no romantic interests behind closed doors. If at any time this changes, we’ll adapt.
Yup, lesbian here. My sleepovers with my best friend in high school was really us being together as girls friends in a relationship. I’d be fine when my mom said no boys in my room.
Or, how about people can have their own rules in their own house. You do you, and I'll do me. I know my kids, you don't. You don't get to tell me what to do in my own house.
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