The Mormon Church Has Released a Guide Aimed at Protecting Children From the Evils of Coffee

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To prevent scores of Brigham Young students from getting all strung out on coffee, hopping themselves up on the java until they’re roaming the streets shaking their empty Starbucks cups for loose chan

ge to get that next fix, a youth magazine aimed at teenaged members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has published a handy guide for understanding which drinks do and do not contain coffee., the guide comes as a response to a new Starbucks opening near Brigham Young University, a church-owned college in Provo, Utah.

“So, before you try what you think is just some new milkshake flavor, here are a couple of rules of thumb: one, if you’re in a coffee shop , the drink you’re ordering probably has coffee in it, so either never buy drinks at coffee shops or always ask if there’s coffee in it.” While even stepping foot inside a coffee shop was forbidden until recently, the church wants kids to know that even if they hang out at the Starbucks, they need to limit themselves to the drinks loaded with sugar and not spiked with caffeine:

“Drinks with names that include cafe or caffe, mocha, latte, espresso, or anything ending in -ccino usually have coffee in them and are against the Word of Wisdom.”

 

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But it’s good evil. Tasty tasty evil.

'Sure, keep those kids away from cold brew, that stuff could really mess them up. BTW, Mormon church has been accused of covering up sexual abuse of children for years and most recently of forwarding calls to a 24-hour helpline for victims to a law firm that defends the church.'

This is the saddest thing I’ve heard all day.

and the photo shows the most overpriced overrated coffee there is...

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Mormon church warning: Beware of those fancy coffee drinksThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issues a warning to members that coffee is prohibited no matter how fancy the name and that vaping is banned despite the alluring flavors. Marijuana is also outlawed unless prescribed by 'competent' doctors. And of course uncaffeinated sugary drinks are always allowed. RootBeer Wacky Mormons. All churches need to have their tax exempt status taken away and reevaluated. Too many 'churches' around now that are just plain frauds. But it's a fun church!
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