One of the signs of emotional maturity is the ability to sit in paradox:I am a person who strives to be kind and I am a person whose choice is creating hurt.Devaluing as a Coping Mechanism
Jobs, friendships, and relationships come and go with time, but as we move on, we are at risk of belittling those experiences after-the-fact by saying things like, “What a waste of time!,” “I never should have dated them in the first place” or “I’m so much better off without them.” There are a few reasons you may be tempted to reach for devaluing as a coping mechanism after a breakup.
None of these are bad or wrong. Coping mechanisms are there to help us get through difficult times. But you deserve to anchor your recovery in something sturdier and more sustaining than denigration. Here are three strategies to help you move on from this relationship with self-awareness, integrity, and grace. These strategies can help you integrate the loss of your relationship and help you prepare for your next one.
, and/or remorse. These feelings can keep you stuck. Replace the question, “Why did I ever choose that relationship?” with the question, “What did I learn about myself from that relationship?”Choosing to end a relationship clearly means that something was not working for you, and your goal in moving on is to create something better. Your former partner does not need to be a “bad” person in order for you to opt for something else.
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