Sometimes when I check for a route into Manhattan and realize I will have to get off at the subway stop I used to take for an old job, the bottom of my stomach turns heavy and my shoulders get tight. I resent the reminder of that place and that it still physically upsets me. One of the last times I had to go into that part of town, I tried to figure out the best way to avoid seeing the entire street where the building was, even though I would not have been able to see the building itself.
In that Manhattan job, my supervisors lied about the status of one of my projects in the all-hands meeting. When I emailed them with proof of their mistake and asked them to make a formal correction, they assured me they would, then waited and waited and waited, ignoring my follow-up emails, until too much time had passed for anyone but me to care. After yet another incident of distorting my work to explain their neglect of my department, I emailed my supervisors around 3 a.m.
This is not the only job that has made me uncomfortable to the point of physical distress. I once worked at a nonprofit that made my life so miserable, I started therapy. I was the only Black woman in a leadership position and it soon became clear that I was not expected to have any ideas of my own but to follow along and be glad I was even allowed to be hired. The constant microaggressions pushed me to find a therapist. I asked him how I could ignore the stress of the job.
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