I constantly feel like I’m somewhere between treading water and drowning. Pretending I’m okay is getting increasingly harder. My partner is amazingly supportive — we haven’t been together long, but she has stepped up for me in a big way. I know that I wouldn’t be able to dowithout her by my side. I’ve tried and failed miserably. But I still feel like I’m shouldering so much by myself.
Everything is pulling me in a million different directions and I fear the day I finally just snap completely. I’m trying to find ways to give myself a little breathing room, which is hard. For so long, I’ve been the only person I can depend on, and it’s hard to break out of that mindset. Some nights I am so exhausted that I fall asleep immediately. Then there are nights where I can’t get my brain to shut the fuck up. I know I need a break, but I don’t feel I can truly take one.
One thing I keep seeing is a reminder to have grace with ourselves right now. We’re living through something literally no one has ever experienced. Life is currently stuck in arrested development, and we’re all just trying to take it one day at a time. When it all feels like too much, I try to have grace with myself. People will understand if I admit that it’s all too much. I’m allowed to be terrified and overwhelmed. There’s nothing to be ashamed of by admitting it.
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