night and I’m neatly folding my wife’s underwear. This is not something I usually do. This is not something I usually want to do. But right now, in the name of domestic serenity, and quite possibly for the sake of our family, I am gingerly doubling over each pair of panties and tucking them into her top drawer. My wife is putting our toddler to bed and I’m thinking to myself, well, this is weird.
The prospect of another kid wasn’t the only thing at risk. Women who felt that they bore the majority of the mental labor inherent in running a household were also likelier to feel empty, less satisfied with life, and less emotionally and physically intimate with their partners, Oklahoma State University and Arizona State University researchers found this year.
found that in heterosexual marriages in which the couple reported sharing the domestic workload pre-child, the man went on to decrease his housework contributions by as much as five hours a week after the child was born. The wife picked up his slack, and all that slack amounted to 2.6 extra weeks of work for her over the course of a year. One explanation: Babies upend the dynamic that couples have and, as parents, they default to the domestic roles they grew up with.
My father did more around the house than I think most dads did, but I can guarantee you he never held the “local packing and unpacking” card. My mom did that, and we always had what we needed. This is what my wife did, too.During the opening weeks of Fair Play, we were invited to a family friend’s pool. I packed the sunscreen, my son’s swim diaper, a few pool toys, his water cup, and what else, what else—I thought that was good. Two blocks from home, I realized I’d forgotten his pool float.
“When you hold a card, you own it. You conceive, plan, and execute. And your partner isn’t allowed to give feedback in the moment. That’s saved for weekly meetings,” Rodsky says. And while she describes her plan as “hardcore change from how things are done currently,” she argues that anyone who has ever had a job understands what it means to take on a task and complete it. “Every business works on a direct-responsibility model.
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