Photo: www.DanitaDelimont.com/Getty Images/Gallo Images If you thought this would be your hottest summer yet, you’re wrong. It’s not a hot girl summer. It’s actually a cruel, violent bird summer, and the birds don’t even care. They’re too busy dive-bombing you while you’re out on a run working on your summer bod, or pecking at your naturally highlighted summer hair to care whether or not you even live through bikini season. Sorry, I don’t make the rules — the birds do.
, according to the Wall Street Journal, as humans have encroached more and more on natural bird habitats like marshes and wetlands. A man named Matt told the paper that he’s taken to jogging while flailing his arms over his head and wearing a hoodie near his home in Minnesota, to avoid a blackbird he calls “Nemesis.” Another describes being attacked by “avian scoundrels” while biking. A victim in Canada created a website called CrowTrax to tabulate crow violence in his area.
Although it’s normal for birds to get more territorial during certain times of year like nesting season, there isn’t a reason yet from the scientific community on why they decided en masse that this would be the summer that changed everything — except that, as an expert quoted by the Journal explains, their shrinking habitats are pushing them closer to the brink.
The birds want us out. They’ve had enough. Humans are the absolute worst, the world is ending and it’s our fault, and summer is when our narcissism and consumer addictions reach such totally untenable levels that the birds just said, that’s it, we’re going to kill you all. And they’re not totally wrong. I for one will be going down without a fight and I submit fully to my bird king, Nemesis.
😮
Cannot blame them.
I mean we probably deserve it tbh
Yup.
Somehow this doesn’t surprise me!
BIRDS AREN’T REAL
WTF!!! So now besides worrying some blue bike citibike or messenger or electricscooter or uber or taxi is going to run into us WE NOW have2worry about BIRDS attacking us from the sky?!!!!!!! ny nyc manhattan NO WHERE IS safe!!!
Hitchcock foresaw the future.
Some humans need to go.Please go to DC there’s lots of bad ppl
I’m rooting for the birds
ProBirdRights
Artstrada Even the birds have had enough.
Where have we heard this before...?
Do we blame them though?
😟sad
Is it wrong to sorta hope the birds win? Keep thinking of Vonnegut's theme in Galapagos - that maybe devolution is in our future. If that's the case, maybe let another species have a crack at it...
....A bird uprising is upon us
It started with the eagle. Even the birds are mad.
On Cedar Bonnet Island Monday (NJ) we were repeatedly harassed and ominously surveilled from above by a clearly p*ssed off ClapperRail. It's happening…
markglenndavie4 Yes.
Kinda seems like we deserve it tho
NomdeB A redwing blackbird bothered my head ... in Toronto
I believe animals sense the changes in our environment earlier and more profoundly than humans. They always have predicted weather patterns and pressure by their behavior. We should pay attention. They're trying to tell us something.
Redrum_of_Crows
We definitely deserve it
They know.
Makes sense.
Of course they are TheLittleBastards HitchcockScarredMe
Lol lol awww shit I was worried about bird shit on my car now this
Brace yourselves
It’s official. We’re living in a Hitchcock film.
Methgators, weaponized ticks & now attacking birds. Sounds about right for 2019.
I predicted this would happen if Donald Trump got elected and you all just me crazy!
Got my ass kicked by a Nama Mockingbird last week for taking a peek at her babies. I had it comin. 😂
Like I always say birds are the devil. Thank you for proving my theory.
I was attacked by robins in my son’s backyard last year. I was pruning and got too close. It was like a scene out of “The Birds”. I was terrified.
This was inevitable
KiahnaStephens
Like for real they're always the first to move when the storm hits, they know what we're doing to the planet and I dont think they're alone. pickupthetrash recycle dontwaste
My paranoia is justified
i’m with the birds on this
anirayflo 😱
ZooCBS or 'the birds'?
Nature ALWAYS finds a way.
TORA ! TORA ! TORA !
I'm cool with that. Regards, Alfred Hitchcock,
Good
SoccerCooligans Some might say these birds are becoming … Gully 😎
The birds are winning
Can't be American birds. You could build a wall...
5G
BarrVisuals
Good.
clickbait
birdsarentreal EXPLAIN
About time.
I am waiting for the animal kingdom to rise up against us. We deserve it.
Payback time for some feathered friends !
actualnonna
schwartz_ana
After decades of total peace with the bird community I’ve been verbally assaulted, swept at, pecked, and shat on in the last 3 months. THIS IS A CRISIS.
zachsavagelol eyerollemoji
I’m for this, assuming the birds are smart enough to identify the assholes that deserve it.
I’m rooting for the birds.
But what about birb on birb violence?
Those birds are glorified gorgeous creatures. Let em’ be birds! —Napoleon
ProBirdRights this is an attack
Do you blame them
Me talking to the birds:
It’s the beakining of the end.
Can you blame them?
Meanwhile the folks at birdsarentreal
alexandriaflems
samp20181 stand your ground defense?
We know you're all going to say it, but it isn't us!
RiffTrax We all knew this day was coming.
tithenai is this your fault?
We’re all soon to be Tippi Hedrens, desperately seeking safety from avian attacks in gas station phone booths, except those booths no longer exist. uh oh
no shit. i'm fucking constantly getting attacked by birds
madomasi believe me now?
I’m on the birds side
Alfred Hitchcock warned us...
'We're tired of trying to warn you about climatechange by saying that 'Nevermore' sh*t,' a spokesbird reportedly told one victim.
natalarsjar The birds work for the bourgeoisie.
They know who their enemies are!
the government's testing their listening devices for new capabilities, huh?
ProBirdRights
thesinglenurse
antumbral
.thetaltweets being that you’re so much taller than me, I am wondering if you’ve experienced attacks against you?
KelleyJepsen
healthyaddict JustinRYoung Has Doctor Bird's revolution finally kicked off!?
The birds get it
JalenandJacoby Jacoby worried about them kangaroos, but the bird threat was staring us in the face...
Finally, some news that makes sense
It’s what we deserve.
Cc Williams94Greg EquusontheBuses TheSaharZ
ProBirdRights thoughts?
Finally.
yooty
cc AlexClearfield
imyourkatieque
It's begun, SUEtheTrex ...
I honestly don’t blame them.
Can’t really blame them now, can we?
What do we do,KiraJaneWrites? 😬
GOOD I am Rooting for the Birds🦢🦅👀
lizzieohreally
lizzieohreally good
Can you blame them?
As they should.
I got this, they’ll listen to me
mmockingbird I suspect you were already aware of this.
peterjdrake Probably a combination of average temperature increases and 5G.
peterjdrake
SmokeyMartling i hope it doesn't include owls dear gretch_147
Sounds like Mother Nature is ready to fight back on climate change.
EffinBirds You guys have anything to do with this?
birds are sick of our shit
It’s possible they feel provoked
It's happening.
I, for one, welcome our avian overlords.
THE END IS NEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I’m team bird
Birds aren't real
Alfred Hitchcock was ahead of his time
kdub549
They are being poisoned by Trump's rhetoric. Trump is even toxic for birds.
BirdsArentReal
ProBirdRights What do you think about this?
Understandably.
tight cc: PelicansNBA
David_Pederson Why dont these birds go back to their country!!
Paging mustseebirds Best_Birbs
This has been one of my two lifelong fears.
Honestly, yeah, I get it.
Just as the prophecy foretold.
Nothing to Crow about
Best news I’ve heard in a long time.
Can’t blame them for being pissed.
Birb in picture is a red winged blackbird. It will NOT attack you unless you have been talking shit about him behind his back.
We deserve it.
They have no insects to eat. 10 years ago or so if you drove at night your windshield would be covered with bugs , now , nothing.
abbacirc you were lucky you made it out with your life
THEY ATTACK phish
I mean, can you blame them?
I guess that means we've moved down in the pecking order.
A gang of turkeys... 🦃🦃🦃
In other news, even birds know people are full of shit.
What do you want to do about this RevTomDotCom
Code word “Nemesis”
FINALLY!
Z
Digz toddmccomas HeartlandRadio this furthers your theory about the Animal War 🧐
Do you blame them?
They're not wrong.
Are we counting geese? Cos they are due for a culling
CC: adamcarolla
I’ve seen that movie...stay away from jungle gyms.
As if things weren't bad enough already. . . .
They are looking for a nest in realDonaldTrump hair.
Can't blame 'em. I feed the birds in my backyard because I'm afraid they will eat me if I don't.
Hail Hydra. Cc: owillis
They're sick of this shit...
Welcome your feathered overlords
Go Birds!
we deserve a full-on The Birds scenario. Humanity has fully warranted it and if it happens I'll be like 'yeah, fair, can I at least be killed by a pelican?'
I’m with the birds on this one.
Ok NYMag. I read you loud and clear. You really want me to stop following you. This campaign of self-delighting willfully asinine articles has gone on long enough.
We were warned
I had this observation months ago started noticing them kind of flying faster and more directly near my head in bk lol. My gf thought I was crazy and then she got hit by a pigeon. So... maybe WiFi or cell phone towers making them cray
Listen, don’t make light of this. You haven’t experienced real pain until you’ve tried to put a baby bird back in its nest while it’s mother swoops around and pecks you in the head repeatedly. I got it in there, but damn, she was relentless.
Those are just isolated incidents. My compassion goes to all the bird communities that will be affected by hatred after these attacks. notallbirds
I’ve certainly experienced more bird attacks the last three years than any other time. It’s true. They are coming for us. 😮
caleb132penn
As opposed to the normal human killing birds? Stop with the fear mongering and disrespect for our fellow earthlings! They deserve to live here, too.
Even stupider than the average thing in the Cut.
Actual footage.
ebruenig The pigeons are arranging a coo
They are sick of our shit
Bet they're illegal migrants.
ebruenig good
ebruenig It has begun. birdageddon
ebruenig We have it coming.
🤔
Take cover everyone. 🦅
The dinosaurs strike back!
ebruenig
Whereas usually it’s just people flipping Trump the bird.
Do not disparage the red wing black bird!
Who would blame them...?
Britpoptarts We deserve it.
I support them
tedgioia .Maybe people are just growing out of proportion.
ebruenig If you get taken out by a bird; you take that to the grave. What up with the reporting?
the real threat of climate change is the animals turning on us in a shyamalanian moment of united bloodthirsty vengeance
ebruenig birdsarentreal
ebruenig I welcome this
Hey angrybirds Can you direct that energy on a very bright orange nest at the WhiteHouse
I wonder why?
Next up, plague of locusts
JoshMankiewicz it’s starting. Robots sending in scouts. First birds. Then drones. You see where is is going.
ElectionBabe
ebruenig I don’t blame them. If I were a bird, I’d attack right and left.
Cc: ProBirdRights 😂
Hopefully they’re shitting on a lot of red hats.
Good.
I gotta rent the movie 'The Birds' 😎
wtf?
Stop making people paranoid about birds attack🤦♀️ they probably have a nest near the area and are protecting it😒 but there you are making such a story for people to believe birds are against humans this summer🤦♀️not cool
Good on the birds
Just carry a tennis racket and swat them.
They have every right to attack us, we fucked up their home.
Understandable. Just because birds are peckers doesn’t mean they will put up with a bunch of dicks. I’m looking at you, Republican Party.
They're mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore. Send love to the birds..
Yes ! Go birbs ! Avaunt, avaunt !
Even nature knows we suck for pulling out of the Paris Accord.
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