The Bachelorette Week One Season 18 Episode 1 Editor’s Rating 4 stars **** «Previous Next Photo: Craig Sjodin/ABC This far into the paradox, I thought we’d all be in a different situation by now. I thought I’d be raw-dogging the air again and breathing deeply in the Pyramid Room at the Korean day spa. I thought we’d be waltzing into Sephora with our buck-naked faces, rubbing the sample lipsticks directly on our lips and then going on first dates with strangers.
We get one last montage of Michelle walking around in a bathing suit and floating in the pool at the Indian Wells. Yeah, we’re definitely going to have to work on that one. What’s their logo? Is it a fat mouse or something? I could really work with that. We meet Brandon J., who saw that photo of the Rock in a turtleneck and chain and thought, “I can make that my entire personality.” Next is Nayte, who loves road trips and his mom is a teacher. He thinks about Michelle during his intro package and gets nervous. He’s got an amazing amount of jewelry and an immaculate beard. Finally, we meet Chris G.
Out of the limo first is Nayte! Yes! It’s all happening! Nayte is visibly nervous and Michelle tells him to take all the time he needs to talk to her. Then Nayte says, “Better Nayte than never.” This prompts Michelle to go, “Fuck, I like Nayte.” Next is Romeo, who quickly mutters some French, and despite being a lapsed French major, it took me a few seconds to realize he was speaking French and the only word I caught was “tragedie.” Michelle gives a thumbs-up as Romeo walks away.
After a few more gimmicks, Joe arrives with the best gimmick entrance of all: “Pretend not to remember who Michelle is when you were definitely DMing her last summer.” Very cool. After listing every type of apple on earth, it’s time for Michelle to find out about Ryan’s Bachelorette Instruction Manual. She has a good moment with him, but Tayshia and Kaitlyn corner her and explain that they were riffling through some of the guy’s luggage and found this document. My favorite line that keeps getting quoted out of this document is, “Make it seem like you’re interested in stuff.” Like … yeah, man. That’s what we’re all trying to do literally every minute of every day.
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