The Art Director Who Doesn’t Sleep With Her Husband Anymore

Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a woman getting off thinking about movie stars while wondering if an open marriage might actually work: 47, married, Brooklyn. 6:16 a.m. When I woke up today, I was unusually horny. I have sex dreams all the time — I have for my entire life, and even now that I’m in my late 40s. Usually my sex dreams are with classically hot movie stars . But whatever I dreamed about, it’s now lost to me.

So here’s the situation. We’ve been together for 20 years. No affairs. No real drama. A lot of happiness and joy. We raised a great son. We worked hard to buy an apartment. We maintained an endless amount of love and respect for each other. However, I stopped wanting to have sex with my husband years ago. I can’t explain why. I’m attracted to him — I still crush on him. It’s not that he’s become like a brother or whatever people say. I’m simply not interested in fucking him.

12:30 p.m. One problem: Now all I want to do is order food. I use a stupidly expensive app to bring me two pints of fancy ice cream from one place. I use another stupidly expensive app to deliver me the burrito of my dreams. You only live once. 12:30 p.m. A quick jaunt to the supermarket to make sure I have all my husband’s and son’s favorite things. I’ve always been a modern and nontraditional woman in many ways, but I can’t help but want to feed and take care of my boys. I don’t cook — let’s be clear about that — but I am a great grocery shopper of good cheese, beautiful produce, and yummy snacks.

1 p.m. Husband is only now rising from bed; he needed the rest. He massages my shoulders while I work a bit. We decide to have our nice evening out together tonight, before our son comes home tomorrow. When our kid is with us, it’s all about him, and I mean that in a good way.7:15 p.m. Husband holds my hands across the table. We gaze into each other’s eyes. It’s so beautiful watching each other grow older. I’m so grateful for all our history.

this is bleak as hell😕

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