That Feeling When You’re Nostalgic for a Time You’d Never Want to Relive

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“Freud said that every fear is also a wish, and I often wish for what I most fear. I try to temper the yearning I have for a broken past. I don’t want to sentimentalize horror; it’s not fun while you’re going through it,” writes Andrew_Solomon

We updated Roger Hargreaves’s Little Miss and Mr. Men universe to include some of our new emotions. Illustration: Zohar Lazar This week, the Cut is exploring a scientific theory that suggests we have infinite emotions, so long as we can name them — and so we did, asking writers to identify new ways to feel.

I can think of no bigger trauma than coming out of the closet. But that cusp moment, when I dared to break the silence I’d held for years, that intense discomfort, and that feeling that my life was splitting into a before and an after — how I yearn for those first dawning notes of clarity.

Some angstalgia is focused on the moment when the pain stopped, the revelation that everything was in a way all right. But the primary focus of angstalgia is desolation. Nietzsche said, “In pain there is as much wisdom as in pleasure,” but I’d do him one better and suggest that in pain there is more wisdom than in pleasure.

 

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