Terrifying Excuses Anti-Vaxxers Use To Avoid The Covid-19 Shot

“My neighbor got the vaccine, and three days later I killed him.”“I’ve grown up in a country that educated me poorly, where the right-leaning party panders to my worst impulses and the left-leaning one uses esoteric vocabulary and a system of elitism to alienate me and treat me like their inferior, this is my way of exerting just a tiny bit of control over my life.

”“I’ve grown up in a country that educated me poorly, where the right-leaning party panders to my worst impulses and the left-leaning one uses esoteric vocabulary and a system of elitism to alienate me and treat me like their inferior, this is my way of exerting just a tiny bit of control over my life.”“I’ve placed a bomb in a train station that will automatically detonate if I get vaccinated.”“I’ve placed a bomb in a train station that will automatically detonate if I get vaccinated.

If that quote was on merchandise, I would buy it!

In terms of the technician, she was hot, but I didn't ask for her number because I didn't want her to think I was just 'getting the shot' to impress her. She looks like a 'Dell' girl, though, so I'm hoping to 'run into her' there this weekend.

Death.

This is better...

Hard to convey just how true this is

The Onion is starting to get like the Simpsons. The talented writers took off and the new guys are trying to approximate their style but not doing a very good job.

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire, some of those were actual excuses

I know this is the Onion! But the parallels between this issue and abortion rights is stupefying. The very people who want to impose their will on others about abortion do not want other people to impose their will about the vaccine. I'm on the side of not imposing either.

anti vax are anti American and should be deported as aliens

'I still haven't raised enough money on gofundme to build my research laboratory...'

Anyone remember when the onion posted satire?

The 3rd slide😅All jokes aside, the real reason we don't want to get jabbed is because we aren't guinea pigs and we'd rather take our chances with a glorified influenza than give up our freedom of choice. Flu shots were never mandatory. InfluenzaKills MyBodyWhatWasTheRest

It's been said more and more over the years, but it bears repeating: This isn't even a parody anymore...

In related news Pfizer CEO sends his best comic writer to Onion headquarters via fully vaxxed personal jumbo jet with equipped boosters.

Illegal donations?

I would respect these people a lot more if they would just admit they're scared of needles.

2 is a pretty good one. If any of my exes were the leading authority on anything, I wouldn't go near it either.

I'm all out of vowels

4 lmao

'I'm made of balloon and I will pop.'🎈

No punches pulled, amazing.

I'm already dead.

Best one

'I heard the vaccine injects George Soros into your body, creating a 'Fantasia' like experience where the more your body fights it, the more come at cha'

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