His name is my name too
Tadgho78
That explains the ‘Melon head’ quite well.
Onion writers continue to push their sexual fantasies onto others. TheOnionSucks
The Onion never disappoints!
His name is my name too
That's some Wet Ass Produce
Implying that a CadetBoneSpurs Administration official engages in semi consensual intercourse with foreign grown produce? Oh yeah this is going to end well. 😁
rtyson82
Stephen Miller looks like he is preparing for the Megamind live action remake
It was a grapefruit, it was one time, and I picked it up at a fruit stand in Orange County.
Remember when he tried to spray paint hair on his head? I do.
😂
Haven’t seen an attractive cantaloupe in ages.besides,they’re all pretty seedy.
The story is from 2 years ago. The cantaloupe probably had some anchor babies.
😂
dave_kitchens If there really is a Q, he would be the usual suspect, not that I believe there is one.
He looks like the cantaloupe.
🙄
Why does Stephen Miller looks like a penis with a nose?
Cantaloupe?
He even looks alike to his role model Goebbels.
BillCorbett I hope this brightens your day 😁
Nevertheless, knowing his options were severely limited, he asked it afterwards if it wanted to get married but it said Sorry, I cantaloupe 🍈
Have all the onions best writers fled for the Babylon Bee or what?
Not funny, Hillary pal owned Onion.
HusbandOnDemand THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK ABOUT THE SECOND LADYS PRESS SECRETARY
Stephen Miller looks like a vampire that only drinks the blood of other vampires.
The Onion cracks me up
I thought it was las Vegas.. i asked her you want to elope and she said can't elope
Stephen Miller’s private life is between him and his crisper and he IS NOT a suspect in ANY CURRENT murder case.
That was no cantaloupe, that was your mother...
If he's that angry at a melon then the Avocados toast....I'll be here til next Tuesday. Thank you and remember 'It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission.'
Wrong grammar.
Omg, just no.....
Everytime I see a picture of him I remember that he was born in -85 and it always blows my mind...
His wife is actually hot, what do you think he did to trick her
He's afraid because heard about fiestas where people get can get melon balls!
The Onion posting what probably could be an actual headline someday
Mexico wasn’t sending their best cantaloupes
The onion is the official news source of 2020. Doing God's work! 3
Well, if a child results from this union, it will look exactly like his daddy. (Or, at least, daddy looks like a melon.)
Artist 'recreation' of the event. No cantaloupes were harmed in the making of this tweet. The pumpkin on the other hand...
Cantaloupe fucking is a thing among neo-Nazis. True story.
If it’s Ron Mexico, then he’s in the STD time zone.
and even more upset when he found out it was a grape.
This is a very good one
well that's how they get ya
I'm willing to bet the cantaloupe never consented.
That forehead is a canvas that Lt. Aldo Raine could create his masterpiece upon.
The cantaloupe wasn’t too happy about it either
I hate Hitler more than ever.
And mortified that his prostate massager was too.
You have balls. 👏👏👏 💜
Yeah, but this time he’s not being racist. He knows the best melons in the world come from Colorado. RockyFord
i hope he at least microwaved it a bit first
Maybe you should get a sense of humour?
Yikes... what happened here?
Wow! The onion used to be funny. Why the need to cuss, can’t come up with good conten?
BREAKING: Stephen Miller to have surgery to look even more like Joseph Goebbels.
Did he remove the seeds first?
He was desperate, the zucchini broke up with him.
When you fuck cantaloupe and assume everyone else does too so you make a dumb ass post about it. Then youre the onion.
Mf looks like a cantaloupe
Katie's Mexican?!?!
the lack of soul in his eyes tho
I’ll never be able to eat cantaloupe again🤮...thanks
Oof, the prurient squad has the joystick this afternoon. 🤮
VPComDir 😆
At least it wasn't a watermelon.
Description of his wife is tough but fair
He could never satisfy a cantaloupe. It was an avocado.
Vicious
I'm old enough to remember when was funny.
i thought onion satire
My name is Dr. Teresa Tam and I approve of this behaviour.
“Look at those melons!”
Lolololol
This is a lie and offensive language
omfg 😂
I feel like the line flows better when you say 'Is From'
And its seeds are bigger than his balls.
😂😂😂😂😂
LMFAOOO
...think that's bad?-- imagine how the cantaloupe felt!...
Pizza_Dinklage 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
huttopian
outofcontroljb Omg!😂🤣😂🤣👍👍
SeanHa1l
Ha ha
HughAcheson This is your finest work.
WednesdayWin
Eugene Harrogate, the moonlight melon mounter 🤣😂😅
🤣🤣🤣
EatTheRichH8ers That’s better now though no?.... more of a likeness.....? ............. just my cents worth....
evan_vick lol
AtomicOvermind I don't follow The Onion, so that I'm not influenced by their content or accused of copying, but my followers reTweet them, and I am in awe of this one. Bravo!
This is the best😂😂😂
So. Was that an overripe cantaloupe, soft, sorta mushy and easily penetrated? Or did Stevie use a paring knife and forcibly make a fornication hole in a fresh, firm cantaloupe? And did he thrust with a one or two hand grip on the innocent melon? Poor fruit⚠️
This guy looks evil as shit
People need to leave this guy alone. I think this qualifies as a mental health disorder
This deserves a Pulitzer
Everything about it is ridiculous.
Might be one of the onions best tweets ever.
This was unlikely to be consensual.
Kazoo
RESIGN, WE DO NOT NEED YOU IN WASHINGTON.
Trump and the GOP ... the party of lies, betrayal, filth, smears, bribery, corruption, racism, brutality, destruction of the planet, immorality, extortion, indecency, attacks on our democracy, $2 Trillion more debt. fans of the porn model First Lady
Hahahahaha Miller is one sad POS.
ITMFA
But that cantaloupe thinks that he's the sexiestmanalive
wants to bring the rest of its family over
That title is a roller coaster of emotions
has done it again!
🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈 🍈🍈🍆🍆🍈🍈🍈🍆🍆🍈🍈 🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈 🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈 🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈 🍈🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈🍈 🍈🍈🍈🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍈🍈🍈 🍈🍈🍈🍈🍆🍆🍆🍈🍈🍈🍈 🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍆🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈 🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈🍈
The repulsive Stephen Miller is reminiscent of other deluded (self) haters A notable example being the short, unattractive, NON-blonde Adolf who killed millions to compensate for his sense of inadequacy 😈 And like the MAGAts, millions of fools BELIEVED that racist propaganda!
So wrong and yet here I sit laughing out loud!
james_eoghan You can tell he's a white nationalist because he tries to dress sharply but never quite pulls it off because he's not actually a cool person at fucking all. Also see: Richard Spencer, Jordon Peterson. Awkward boys in expensive yet basic and uninspired suits.
😂😂
Give who ever is writing these a fucking raise. ASAP!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: (English version) I am enforcing U.S. Federal Immigration Law. If YOU came to the U.S. illegally or remain illegally, YOU will be deported. YOU can avoid this by leaving now. PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP
So, the onion is just a disturbed leftist site that apparently indulges in sexual deviancy for fun? Got it
His forehead is a cantaloupe.
Nataweey
🤣🤣🤣
RyanDarden1
Haha
What an odd endorsement of Stephen Miller
He totally wanks off to pix of babies in cages.
He can pass it on to Barr....
Kris_Sacrebleu Oh my...thoughts and prayers to KKKate VPPressSec. Sorry the Onion murdered your white supremacist boyfriend.
haha. i try not to morph the look of a person but this guy i'm sorry - he just looks like a slithering snake
Remember when the Onion was funny?
Oh, my! You didn't mince onions with that caption, did you? 🏆
Stephen King wants to know if he has big calves?
Paging VPPressSec
In today's reality, this seems probable and plausible!
Hell is clamoring to get this guy down there
Good one. Laughed out loud! Also, sad but true...
80HD_Theatre holy shit lol
loganreece_27
This is everything.
Wouldn’t need a cantaloupe. Way too big. I would think a lemon would suffice.
Jesus
They were gonna run off to Tijuana to get married but they cantaloupe.
So guessing the funny writers at the Oni ok n go better jobs? Maybe at Babylon Bee or Duffel Blog
I haven’t laughed this hard at a tweet in a very long time
Not only was it from Mexico it was also a family member. Dang, son!
💯🤣 Glad to see you're back in first place!🥇
It's definitely not consensual, look at him.
Adjectives are important. Now I see why theonion never made it 😂
JewishWorker
Build that wall!
Wait until he finds out where the avocados he's using for anal beads were raised
He strikes me as more of a cucumber kind of guy.
He can't go out in sunlight can he?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Funniest onion headline all year! 🤣
treasuretrova
They are not sending their best cantaloupes
Wait, I thought the onion was supposed to be satire 😏
Hahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahah that soooooo funny do more 🤪 how about the one where the writer for the onion shoves a onion up their widely gapped a s s h o l e.
The first Jewish Hitler...Wait until the right wing turns on this guy...
So well played.
Lies!! It was an avocado.
Now do avocados...
We knew this already.
Poor cantaloupe
It's the cantaloupe that ought to be enraged. What object would want to touched by this pigboy?
His fiancée put fruit fucking on his honeydew list.
I just screamed.
This post is blessed
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂L👏🏼M👏🏼F👏🏼A👏🏼O!!
🤣🤣🤣
Pictures of Hitler all stuck together.
One of your finest...
shouted
Incorrect. It was a muskmelon.
Steven Miller Joins Mariachi Band In Ill-Advised Attempt To Improve Image Among Immigrant Community
haha
Katie Waldman's from Mexico? His cantaloupe looks better than yours.
Damn, the cantaloupe deserves better
TheNecessityofStephenMiller DouthatNYT racist-apologist DouthatNYT racistapologist
Deport all cantaloupes
I love the classics.
I’m dying...😅
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