Spotted Dick, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being Married

and drank tap water? When we first lived together, I remember getting locked out and Googling how to break into our own house with a bent credit card . I remember getting locked out of our next flat too, and not having a robber’s YouTube to help and just having a massive tantrum and being accused of turning into my mother.

My husband is very measured, which is never a bad thing. He can always see both sides of a situation or argument or tweet, and on lazy days we can chalk that up to being a middle child, a peacemaker. This means I get an annoyingly balanced view when I’m “on one.” It’s a healthy and needed perspective, but it interrupts my flow when I’m about to lose my shit.

Unlike serial dating, marriage is up close and personal and therefore has its own up close personality. When you’re married long-term, you can lose great swathes of time to petty stuff but the petty stuff is part of marriage’s richness. Not to sound like Trump’s base in MAGA hats bemoaning the media, but the mediaaffecting how we all do emotional business. Online, we Pac-Man overly-emotive content, slowly being conditioned to respond to the melodramatic.

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