'Snake Eyes': Ninjas, Yakuzas and 'G.I. Joe' Origin Stories, Oh My!

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'Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins' gives the series most popular, enigmatic character an origin story involving the yakuza, ninjas, honor, humanity and loyalty. Then it remembers it has to be a 'G.I. Joe' movie and, well.... Our review

On the fifth day, God noticed that the tribe of Paramount had commissioned films based on this line of toys, starring Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson and Joseph Gordon Levitt and many other actors of talent and note. The movies followed an elite band of military commandos fighting an evil organization known as Cobra, while pushing an elite brand that bespoke of corporate synergy.

On the sixth day, God awoke to find a spin-off G.I. Joe movie devoted solely to Snake Eyes, one bearing his name and a subtitles promising of a story of “G.I. Joe Origins.” The Lord smiled. He saw that Henry Golding, that hunky star ofwas playing a young man who fought in cages for money and vowed to avenge the death of his dad, which he witnessed as a child.

So He watched, and the Lord saw this was… not bad? It was, in fact, a highly serviceable yakuza drama, detailing battles of honor and humanity with a touch ofgenre flourishes here and there. If Golding wasn’t the most magnetic lead, God thought, he was still OK, and the supporting cast, includingstar Iko Uwais, was impressive.

 

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Cool! Another action figure style movie! How……creative.

Guessing that this film won’t be rolling “Snake Eyes”

I don’t care about the movie but this review itself was painful to read.

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