Roger Goodell Warns Deshaun Watson Accusers They Have Until Stroke Of Midnight Before Magic Of Credible Allegations Disappears Forever

NEW YORK—Noting that time was running out, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell warned Deshaun Watson’s accusers Wednesday that they only have until the stroke of midnight before the magic of credible allegations disappear forever.

“Take heart, my dears, for while you have the public’s ear now, be forewarned: When the clock strikes twelve, your time to be taken seriously will vanish!” said Goodell, adding that the accusers behind the more than 20 sexual harassment and sexual misconduct civil lawsuits filed against the Houston Texans quarterback had only a matter of hours before any chance at securing public support or any productive legal outcome would disappear forever.

The accusers have had over 7 months of until the stroke of midnights and 7 months of full day lights to come with that crooked, no good, dirty lawyer and tell tell the nation this has been nothing but a scheme to rob Deshaun of his paycheck. Call the law or I will.

Deshaun Watson just might get that Happy Ending.

“Stroke of midnight” is a bit too on-the-nose here.

I'm pretty sure there's an internal NFL memo called the Fairy Godmother...not to be confused with the Hail Mary memo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-fool

I always stroke at midnight

Im surprised they don’t just do what they did with Ben Rothlisberger; give him a 6 game suspension and be done with it.

It's a good thing I don't know who the hell Roger Goodell and Deshaun Watson are. Otherwise, I might have ended up posting some bit of sarcasm that would have proven me too witty to write for The Onion.

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