NEW YORK—In a report that only adds to concerns over the looming student debt bubble, the Institute For College Access & Success released a report Friday revealing that the average U.S. college student is over $28,000 in debt to Japan’s Yakuza crime syndicate.
“We have found that, sometime towards the end of their senior year, a student opens their door to find the, dressed in a primly pressed suit and flanked by sunglasses-wearing henchmen, ready to collect. A few students have been able to clear their debt but only by spending a decade working overseas as an assassin. However, we do concede that, compared to loans currently offered by financial institutions such as Sallie Mae, the Yakuza does provide more favorable interest rates.
The fear of death ensues students don't miss their classes and get their degrees. -Yakuza Captain
Alyciajoybadger
MarzGurl
The terms would have been better for students if they got their loans from the Yakuza.
GeekCitadel
I liked onion when they did satire
It's a lifestyle choice...
The funny part of this one is the number is WAY too low
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