Report: Average American Consumes 156 Pounds Of Sugar Per Year But Would Like To Consume Much More

📆 3/28/2020 8:00 PM
📰 TheOnion

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WASHINGTON—A U.S. Department of Agriculture report published Monday revealed the average American consumes 156 pounds of sugar a year but would, ideally, prefer to ingest a far greater amount. “To be honest, 156 sounds pretty low,” said Milwaukee-area consumer Curt Jenkins, 35, whose feelings are shared by an overwhelming 87 percent of U.S. citizens who participated in the five-year, $200 million study. “That’s not even a pound a day. I think if we worked at it, we could double that number. I know I personally could eat a whole lot more, and I’m sure others could, too. I mean, sugar’s the best! Have you tasted it? It’s really good.” The report follows last month’s finding that Americans take an average of 5,117 steps per day, a distance 96 percent of survey respondents agreed was “way farther than anyone should be walking.”

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Who wouldn't

DistortBot

theOnion

Got that right, jefe.

I just learned Salt is even more additive than Sugar .

Mmmmm hmmmmmmm

How is this satire in any way shape or form?

That number seems kinda low tbh

I thought the onion was satire?!?!?!

This article cut deep in my A1C.

There's not enough time in the day or sugar in my frosted cereal

Facts

Priceless

is that a breakfast donut?

worldofcrap

Confirmed

If only there were more hours in the day....if only!!

Studies show that thousands of acres that could be used for sugar plantations are being wasted growing vegetables.

The American Societyfor the Promotion of Diabetes recommends an all glazed donut diet. 'It is important that infants as early as 6 months be introduced to the sticky goodness of glazed donuts' they recommend in their latest advice to expectant mothers.

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